why?

Why do I keep seeing Kate Nash everywhere??  She's just a generic Lily Allen.

Also, Angelia Jolie is totally pregnant.  I think she borrowed that SAG Awards dress from JLo.

And I want to go see this Kanye West show whenever or wherever. 

 

movies

Went to see No Country for Old Men.  Javier Bardem is awesome.  Now I need to read the book to fill in all the holes.  Like why didn't Woody Harrelson's character get the money when he found it?  Why did he just leave it there?  And how did dude get arrested at the very beginning of the movie?  Or are the specific details about his arrest just supposed to be irrelevant?  The car accident seemed gratuitous, like yeah we get the point, you never know what's coming, ok already.  Or am I missing something here?  

I still want to see There Will Be Blood.  I love all P.T.A. films.  Daniel Day Lewis is a plus.

I'm waiting for Control to come out on DVD.  I don't think it ever made an appearance in the small little town of Lexington. 

This is what I do on Sat. night...

Make your own Glitter Graphics

Nobody reads this blog

Oh well, I haven't been writing it in much lately either.  This is mainly because my 3-yr-old is driving my husband & me insane.  Any free time I get is spent sleeping because I'm exhausted all the time.  In fact, I should be sleeping right now since everyone else is, but here I am on the iMac (speaking of which, I love the new skinny laptop).  I set out to delete some of the 2400 emails that have piled up in my inbox (almost all from businesses urging me to buy shit & informing me of can't miss sale items--yes, I need to ask them to stop emailing me but that's for another day I suppose).  I got down to about 1200 so I'm halfway through & then I had to move onto something else because deleting emails is just too boring so now I'm writing about my boredom.  Wonder why nobody ever reads this??? hmm....

I hope I win the HGTV dream home.  I better go put in my daily entry.  Really I just want the carousel of colored pens & pencils & markers & crayons in the kids' room.  It's totally rad.  If there was a contest just to win that carousel, I'd enter it too. 

Britney Homage

I have to confess that I'm on Brit-watch this week.

What's that book being handed to her?  Is it The Secret??

mass appeal

Remember that immensely popular video on you-tube or whatever of the bride & groom at their wedding reception busting a move to Sir Mix-a-lot?  Ok, please explain someone anyone, why is that so popular?  I saw it on the Today show one morning & then they had the actual people on the show to do a live re-enactment & I was just like, what is this shiz??  Why is it on the Today show? Then I went to work & was subjected to it yet again--I was called down the hall to a co-worker's office, "you have to see this, you will crack up!!!"   Last time I heard this type of excitement it was Dick in a Box so I thought I might get to see something that was actually funny, but no, it was just that lame-ass over-exposed wedding couple who clearly deserve each other because they obviously spent time choreographing & rehearsing this crap & you just know they were congratulating themselves the whole time, pissing their pants at the thought of how funny they are & how unconventional it is to do this at a -gasp! omg!- wedding reception!!!!!

So anyway, I had to act like I thought it was hilarious too because I didn't want to unnecessarily offend anyone I work with & then I went back to my office & the song Once in a Lifetime was on repeat in my brain for the rest of the afternoon.  

PLEASE NOTE: This is not a political blog.

And I am not a political person.  But politics are literally everywhere now so I felt the need to make an informed choice. 

I finally did a little research by going directly to their official websites & decided that I am going to vote for Hillary this year.  This is mainly because she:

1. is pro-choice
   
2. wants to expand FMLA access to employees of smaller businesses 
   
3. acknowledges the disparity between men's & women's pay 
   
4. does NOT have a Faith section on her list of Issues (unlike some others)
   
5. has a plan for healthcare reform that does NOT include the phrase "consumer-driven"

I have to say that I am appalled at Mike H.'s supposed plan for healthcare reform; that we need to ease the employer burden & transfer it to the consumer, that the focus should be placed on preventive care.  This is what insurance companies are doing already!  They have these high deductible, high coinsurance/copay plans so the patient pays way more than the insurance company pays (if your copay is $50 for an office visit, you'll probably end up paying 65-70% of the fee while ins. pays about 25%) & their big draw is that preventive care is covered 100%. What a lot of people don't notice is that non-preventive services (as in diagnostic testing or medical treatment for an illness) go to your deductible & hello, you've got to pay for that stuff!  Translation is that this is nothing more than a lot of crap being spewed out to cover up the fact that it's just a way for health insurance capitalists to hold onto their money so their CEO's can remain the highest paid in the nation.

I NEED:

• black heels (to occasionally replace the one respectable pair that I have to wear all the time)
  
• casual purse (spent too much on last purse purchase & now feel obligated to use this purse every single day despite the fact that it's huge & weighs about 20 lbs.)
  
• watch (current 7-year-old Kenneth Cole is suffering from overuse)
  
• bookcase (my beloved books are sitting on some old fiberglass Bed Bath & Beyond contraption & their weight has caused some curvature)
• desk ( the K-Mart piece of crap where I sit as I type this has pointy edges posing a hazard to my toddler's head)
• desk chair too (mine's been broken for years but it's all I've got)
• haircut (my Aveda highlights cost so much that I can only afford to go twice a year)
• money to pay for all of this
• to free myself from the shackles of capitalist consumerism

to be continued....

suicide watch

OMG WTF  I hope Britney's on drugs because otherwise, she's just CRAZY y'all.

Exercise #2

Writing Exercise #2 = List 25 movies you've seen w/1 sentence about each film.

1. Even Money (just watched this last night, pretty much a waste of time)

Some good actors (Forest Whitaker, Danny Devito) are in this movie, so I can only assume that it must have looked better on paper.

2. Superbad 

I could watch this again & laugh just as hard.

3. Knocked Up

I have watched this twice already & did laugh just as hard the 2nd time.

4. Grease

I went to see this w/my mom & sister when I was 4 or 5 years old & did not understand what the hell was going on, but I liked the music a lot.

5. Purple Rain

I went to see this w/my mom & sister also, when I was 10 years old, & watching the sex scene sitting next to my mom was highly uncomfortable.

6. Shortcuts

Why does Chris Penn's character do that at the end??

7. Magnolia

When the little boy pees his pants at the beginning, I winced with physical pain for his mortification.

8. Sid&Nancy

I watched this over & over & over again in high school but I never figured out: what's up w/the slow motion kid walking by in the hallway at the Chelsea?

9. American Gangster

I didn't know why all the women packaging the heroin were naked until my husband explained it to me (makes it difficult for them to steal anything).

10. Factory Girl

I want to wear all that black eyeliner too but I'm not sure if I can pull it off; the clothing & makeup were the best parts of this film.

I'm sick of this now so it doesn't look like I'm going to make it to 25. 

Name Game

...stolen from cafeconlesley.blogspot.com (which I found after reading Dear Diary)

rockstar (1st pet + current car)

Telly Maxima

gangsta (favorite ice cream + favorite cookie)

Neopolitan Oreo

flygirl (1st initial of 1st name-1st 3 letters of last name)

S-Hel

detective (favorite color + favorite animal)

Blue Dog

soap opera (middle name + city of birth)

Dell Daytona

Star Wars (1st 3 letters of last name + 1st 2 letters of 1st name)

HELSH

superhero ("The" + 2nd fave color + favorite drink)

The Black Chardonnay

nascar (1st names of your grandpas)

Woodrow John

stripper (favorite perfume + favorite candy)

Hawaiian Ginger Spree

witness protection (mother & father's middle names)

Catherine Clark

TV weather anchor (5th grade teacher's last name + a major city starting w/same letter)

Procaccino Philadelphia

spy (favorite season/holiday + flower)

Fall Orchid

cartoon (favorite fruit + article of clothing being worn right now + ie/y)

Kiwi Sweatpantsy

hippy (what you ate for breakfast + favorite tree)

bacon scrambled eggs biscuits jelly I don't have a favorite tree

rockstar tour ("The" + favorite hobby + favorite weather element + "Tour")

The Reading Sun Tour

Am I too straight to wear this vest??

Am I too old to wear this sweater??

Circle Jerk

The 2nd writing exercise is supposed to be a paragraph about a circle.  I don't think I can do it.  Here's what I came up with:  A circle is round & neverending & symbolizes eternity.  Donuts look like circles.  How did I jump from eternity to donuts?  Maybe because eternity makes me think of heaven & in heaven, you should be able to eat donuts all the time w/o getting sick & w/o gaining weight.  I only let myself eat donuts while I was pregnant & for a few months after Erick was born.  Then I had to make myself stop before the consumption of donuts consumed my life.  I can talk about donuts wistfully & look at them longingly as I pass them by in the grocery or drive by the illuminated Krispy Kreme sign, but I can't allow myself the pleasure of eating them.  This way, I can have something to look forward to if I get pregnant again!

That was terrible.  I have to remember that these are mere exercises though & they are successful in forcing me to actually write even though the end product is crap.  I spent 2 hours @ Barnes & Noble this past Sunday & read a few pages from the Joyce Carol Oates journals.  She wrote so beautifully, it was introspective & insightful, & all it made me think is that my writing is so plain & straightforward & I'll never be a good writer like Joyce Carol Oates & she got a cool apartment in Greenwich Village as part of a professorship & I'll never get to do that either & whine whine whiny whine.  

Exercise #1

I tried to use Pages on my imac & somehow deleted everything I had just written while in the middle of typing.  Decided to create a blog rather than take the time to learn how to use Pages correctly.  I need to learn how to use iphoto too.  Anyway, 1st writing exercise is to write a paragraph about being nauseous....

Out of boredom & nagging curiosity, I watched 2 Girls 1 Cup this past Saturday afternoon.  It is the very first thing I will associate w/nausea from now on.  I watched it once without hitting pause or looking away & the images are forever burned on my brain.  It didn't look real, except the puking I guess, but even if it's not authentic, just the fact that someone came up w/this idea & others actually enjoy viewing it is enough to make me sick.  I'm supposed to describe being nauseous & now all I can do is write about this stupid clip.  Being nauseous can make you feel like you're going to die, especially if it's right before you're going to vomit & your heart starts racing & it feels like your intestines are going to be expelled from your body through your throat & you just want to lie down & make it stop but you have to lurch into the bathroom & position your head over the toilet & then you think you're puking but really stuff's just coming out through your nose & how frustrating is that, I just wanna puke already, & then finally something comes up & it's just a little bit of clear liquid which is a little disappointing because it felt like a tidal wave of everything you've ever eaten in your entire life was going to appear in that toilet bowl.  But then you're done & you can put your head on the cold tile of the bathroom floor for a minute & rest before you decide if you need to go to the trouble of brushing your teeth or if a splash of Listerine will do, or maybe you can even just rinse your mouth out w/some water.  Don't forget to blow your nose to get rid of the puke residue still caught in your nostrils.